Friday 13 December 2013

Forty things I don't like about Christianity

by Kim Fabricius (a sequel to Ben's forty things)

  1. Theism
  2. Chicago – famous for its wind and a Statement. But I repeat myself.
  3. ID (e.g., Marmite, the designated hitter, Michele Bachmann, The X Factor)
  4. Predestination – Double-or-Nothing (Calvin’s Wager)
  5. Penileal substitution
  6. Cumulonimbus eschatology
  7. Crusades, especially those without fatalities
  8. A “spiritual” resurrection (cf. Flannery O’Connor on the eucharist: “Well, if it’s a symbol, to hell with it”)
  9. The exception to “neither bond nor free” (Galatians 3:28): chattel slavery
  10. (Pace Nietzsche) Pig theology (aka complementarianism)
  11. Supercessionism (Scylla) and CUFI (Charybdis)
  12. God hates fags – or rather God loves fags but hates fags who love fags
  13. God loves flags (well, Old Glory – the flag, not the God)
  14. The Health and Wealth Stealth Gospel
  15. The undeserving poor (fuck ’em)
  16. Just-wanna prayers, the Sinner’s Prayer, prayer breakfasts, prayer chains
  17. “Christian” used as an adjective (as in Christian music, counselling, dating, etc.)
  18. Mission statements, purpose-driven drivel, and other managerial bullshit
  19. Church billboards with corny or – even worse – “inspirational” messages
  20. Fish symbols on cars (all “Christian merchandise”, for that matter)
  21. Confession before absolution
  22. WowerPoint in worship
  23. Fenced Tables
  24. Communion grape juice, chalicules, wafers, a thousand pieces of bread for a congregation of twenty (cf. “Feed the Birds (Tuppence a Bag)”)
  25. Family values (in distinction from Modern Family values)
  26. Whinging about “persecution” in the US and UK (“The Empire Strikes Back”)
  27. The Alpha Course (spag bol evangelism)
  28. God TV (unless it’s the only comedy on at the time)
  29. Tradition fundamentalism – “the dead faith of the living” (Jaroslav Pelikan)
  30. Pro-Life support for the death penalty
  31. Sports chaplains
  32. Purity (cf. Mark Twain: “To the pure, all things are impure”)
  33. Papal bull
  34. Protestant bulls (see #35)
  35. Mars Hell
  36. (Contra Ben’s #36) Kim Fabricius
  37. Worldviews
  38. Christian Realism (“That’s all very well, but what about Hitler?”)
  39. Theidiocies
  40. The logos asarkos (aka “The Myth of God Disincarnate”)

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