Saturday, 25 December 2010

Christmas clerihews

by Kim Fabricius

Cries, “A child? Bloody heck!”
Famous last words he speaks –
For forty weeks.

Was in such a tizz
At her lump
That it jumped.

said, “Hey, babe,
Just say ‘No’
No mo.”

For her first was chaste – very.
“But, please,” she pleaded, “Not ergo
Semper virgo.”

Was sooo
Gutted when he heard the news
That he tanked up on turps till he snoozed.

Emperor Augustus
Banned coitus interruptus
To make his census

Keepers of sheep
Were awakened from sleep
To hear seraphim singing of hope.
(It was the dope.)

Herod the Great
Was a right reprobate
Who liked bonking and butchering babies.
He got his comeuppance by dying of scabies.

The magi,
Who didn’t know Micah from Haggai,
Didn’t need the Good Book –
They just looked.

Simeon and Anna,
Eighty-odd, yelled, “Hosanna!”
“Christmas is for kids” we are told.
No! It’s for the old!


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