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Tuesday, 19 April 2011

Theology FAIL: Heaven, the videogame

Are you tired of waiting around for the rapture? God knows I am. That's why I was so relieved to discover Heaven: The Game. "Walk the streets of Gold, open the pearly gate, see the creatures of revelation, explore the new Jerusalem" – you can even meet Jesus and "enter the Throne of God himself".

Best of all, on these adventures you'll be accompanied every step of the way by your very own guardian angel, Axis (pictured). And damn, does she look fine in those skin-tight robes of white and that celestially sexy lace-up girdle. The life of the world to come has never been more enticing.

You can see a video preview here. It looks, as we young folks used to say, totally wicked.

Somehow all this reminds me of something my young daughter once said. A Sunday school teacher asked the children what they have to do in order to get to heaven, and my little girl raised her hand and replied meekly: "Die?"

FAIL submitted by Paul Anderson.


Adam Couchman said...

Once again, it's "Rapture" with a silent "C"

Steve Wright said...

Pass. I'll wait for the super-stylised Japanese adaptation of Enoch: "El Shaddai: Ascension of the Metatron" thank you very much.


Brian LePort said...

I knew my guardian angle looked like a she should work for Victoria's Secret. It all makes so much sense.

Captain Thin said...

Heaven the video game? Great news. Now all we need is one based on Purgatory. After all, a video game entitled Dante's Inferno came out in 2010. It's just like the poem of the same name: Beatrice dies and her soul is kidnapped by Satan, so Dante battles his way through hell in an effort to free her. Yes, 100% faithful to Dante's original poem...

T. Webb said...

So Jesus said that in the resurrection people would be like angels, not marrying or being given in marriage. But an angel can have a boob job?

Erin said...

'Lil Meyers FTW!

Matt Moser said...

What's even worse is that Axis isn't a guardian angel. It is the main character's GRANDMOTHER in her glorified body! Um. Eww.

Blake said...

Did anyone see a non-white person at all in the game? I guess the Aryans will make up by far the largest portion of white people in Heaven.

Anonymous said...

Re: title of the youtube video. The book of Revelation people, Revelation...no s. If you took the time to read it you'd know it's singular not plural.

Bobby Grow said...

Are you sure this isn't a video game based on Muslim eschatology; Axis looks like one of the "Virgins" Muslim men so look forward to ;-).

d. w. horstkoetter said...

I'm sorry to say Ben that this doesn't top the Christian version of the infamous Friday song: http://youtu.be/npgdw5Zb7TY

David said...

Ironic how much like a gay-themed pleasure park or nightclub heaven looked.

Rod said...

As a gamer and with respect to the comments here - I'd be keen to check this out. (and not because of the Axis femininity)

Brian Gronewoller said...

I love the first comment under the video:

"You'll see and explore Heaven just as it's written about in the Book of Revelation."

Take that, Immanuel Kant and your silly ideas of the limitations of knowledge. This is heaven just as it's written about.

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