The church is a school of character. Among totally depraved Calvinists, make that a Reform school.
The unexamined life is not worth living. Mind, the alternative also sucks.
Then Jesus and his disciples went away to the villages near Caesarea Philippi. “Who do you say I am?” he asked them. Thomas answered, “Hang on, lads: it’s another one of his trick questions. Better keep shtum and look stupid than open our mouths and remove all doubt” (Mark 8:27ff., Original Autograph, later plagiarised by another Mark – the Twain, not the Twin).
Then Jesus and his disciples went away to the villages near Caesarea Philippi. “Who do you say I am?” he asked them. Peter answered, “You are my personal Lord and Saviour.” Jesus wept (Mark 8:27ff. and the misplaced logion John 11:35, Another Original Autograph).
How can you tell if you lack imagination? Take Genesis 2:18ff., the scene where Adam names the animals: if you think “tiger, moose, cat, dog”, rather than “Hobbes, Bullwinkle, Sylvester, Snoopy”, you’ve definitely got an imagination deficit.
“The parents ate sour grapes, the children got the shits real bad” (proverb cited in Ezekiel 18:1, rephrased to cover Franklin Graham and Jerry Falwell, Jr.).
Malcolm Turnbull has condemned Australian Opposition leader Bill Shorten for saying that Trump is “barking mad”. A barksperson for the National Federation of Dingoes has condemned Shorten’s language as “an insult to our members”.
The most chilling thing that his supporters say is “Trump has a point.”
According to Ted Cruz, Donald Trump is utterly amoral, a narcissist, a pathological liar, and a serial philanderer. Perfect presidential material then.
Now that Trump will be Republican candidate for president, no doubt his PR people will give him a makeover for the campaign. So a pig with lipstick. Or rather a boar with bouffant, bronzer, and balm.
Electing Donald Trump President of the United States would be like appointing Thomas Sweatt Chief of the Washington, D.C. Fire Department.
New book on hold until November: First as Farce, Then as Tragedy: The Presidential Campaign of Donald Trump.
Who will Trump select as his running mate? Pick a Kardashian – any Kardashian – and victory is his.
All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to think that they know all that is necessary for the triumph of evil.
Question: Who said, “I had no sense of peace, no joy, no conviction that what I was doing was right. It was just something that I had to do, a task to be gotten through”?
(a) Dorothy Day, on being baptised and received into the Catholic Church.
(b) John Tavener, on attending a Hillsong Easter service.
(c) Stanley Hauerwas, on singing “The Star-Spangled Banner” on Opening Day.
(d) Ben Myers, on reading Wayne Grudem’s Systematic Theology.
Answer: Probably “Yes”, but definitely (a).
Blessed are those who never pray but simply find themselves praying.
It’s been said that women think with their whole bodies. That sounds right to me. I think there is something inherently gnostic in male cogitation. (And male copulation, for that matter.) I can just see Descartes boasting of the cogito to his mistress Helena – and hear her reply: “Ne fais pas l’idiot, René!”
Asked when he was 76 whether he had any regrets, John Betjeman replied, “Yes, I haven’t had enough sex.” So that’s 9 years and counting …
I recently took a Dodd-Schweitzer Personality Type Test. After analysing the results, my minister told me that I suffer from eschatological schizophrenia: apparently I’m both an “already” (A) and a “not-yet” (NY). “But what if I’m a ‘never-will-be’ (NWB)?” I asked anxiously. “Less Calvin, more Barth,” she comforted and counselled me: “There are no NWBs. But be careful about becoming a ‘can’t-wait’ (CW).”
Beware the moral high ground: it’s the perfect place for launching your opponent onto the rocks below (cf. Luke 4:28ff.).
“On Self-preening and Self-pruning”: a sermon on the parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector (Luke 18:9-14).
The martyrs are like stones thrown into a pond: as they sink, the waters ripple.
The Sermon on the Mount – it ain’t for extra credit.
My wife often tells me that my study looks like a building site. “What else should it look like?” I tell her back. “It is here that I construct sentences.”