The Apostles' Creed for theothanatologians
by Kim Fabricius
in the holy catholic church,
the communion of saints
I
don’t believe in God:
not
in the Father (Old Nobodaddy);
nor
in the Almighty (aka the Big Other);
and
as for “Creator” – well, not ex nihilo
– no way;
but
maybe I believe in the “God” of radical Process Theology,
maybe
“God” worked a world from the shit he’d been given
and
then became otiose or moribund,
or
maybe “God” is just an obfuscation for “world”,
or
maybe shit just happens.
I
certainly believe that “God”, “Father”, “Almighty”, “Creator”
are
signifiers of “transcendence”,
and
that all transcendence-talk is irredeemably ideological,
that
all transcendence-talk inevitably legitimates oppression.
In
short, I believe that transcendence is a univocal no-no.
(Let’s
cut out the Greek metaphysical crap and cut to the chase.)
I
believe that if ever there was a “God” not identical to the world,
or
to the “historical process”,
he
became” im-man-ent” (M&M’s for short) in Jesus of Nazareth,
lover,
poet, all-around bad-ass,
crucified
under Pontius Pilate,
dead
– caputo – and buried.
In
short, I believe that the deity committed deicide,
that
“God” became an ex-“God” in Jesus,
and
that Jesus then became an ex-Jesus, a Nazarene Blue.
I
believe that the resurrection and ascension are phooey.
(Which
takes me to the third section of the Creed,
though
don’t read anything trinitarian into this format, it’s just a convention.)
I
believe in the Holy Spirit,
“God’s”
M&M’s
(nod
to Hegel, but just kidding!)
in the world,
more
specifically in communities of love and justice.
I don’t believe in the forgiveness of sins
(only “God” can forgive but, er, “God” is dead),
but
I believe that violence can be redemptive
and
I believe that, notwithstanding all the assholes,
we
can create a better world.
I believe in continental philosophy everlasting.
(And if you think this creed is funny, va te faire foutre!)
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