My friend Aaron is leaving his pastoral job in the Anglican Church to take up a new position in another denomination (the
Uniting Church). So in order to celebrate properly, he
needs your advice – he asks: “What is the most un-Anglican thing I can do this Monday?” Okay, here are four suggestions to start with:
- Don’t drink any alcohol.
- Express an uncompromising opinion about something.
- Try talking about church and ministry without using the word “incarnational.”
- Express unqualified admiration for the Archbishop of Canterbury.
Anyone want to add to the list? Or, if you’re not an Anglican, you might like to suggest your own most un-Catholic, un-Presbyterian, un-Whatever activities.
Sing using all 8 notes of the diatonic scale
ReplyDeleteThe most un-evangelical thing to do:
ReplyDeleteDrink a beer or good glass of wine.
Express the gospel with a greater vocabulary than a high schooler.
Take pride in Christian heritage instead of mimicking modern culture, and adding Christianity to it.
Buy some good art instead of the trinkets they sell at the Christian book store.
If Aaron were in England, I'd tell him to play a game of chess: they don't play it in the C of E because they can't tell the difference between a bishop and the queen.
ReplyDelete"Express an uncompromising opinion about something."
ReplyDeleteNice try, but unless it's a matter of social justice, you will never get away with that in the Uniting Church.
Some suggestions:
- Have communion using grape juice served in little shot glasses, handed out to people still sitting in the pews.
- If you're high church, take a guitar to church. You don't even have to play it. The mere presence will freak out most high churchers.
- Appreciate Sydney. Or, if you are in Sydney, appreciate somewhere else.
- Say the phrase "speaking in tongues". You don't have to actually try to do it. You don't have to say the phrase to anyone else. Just say it.
- Pray an impromptu prayer.
Most un-Mennonite thing to do:
ReplyDeleteGo dancing.
Evangelical:
ReplyDelete1. Go one day without referring to the bible as THE Word of God.
2. Call Jesus the Word of God
How about the most un-happy thing?
ReplyDeleteKill your father, and marry your mother.
The most un-Presbyterian (think OPC and extreme right PCA) things to do:
ReplyDelete1. Have a healthy appreciation diversity
2. Read primary sources before critiquing your "opponent"
3. Allow women to read Scripture in the "worship service".
Most un-Baptist things to do:
ReplyDelete1. Dance (show real rhythym and we'll also know you weren't raised Baptist either).
2. Use the term "saint" to refer to special Christians rather than as a substitute for "believer." (No true Baptist refers to the Gospel of Mark, for instance, as the Gospel of Saint Mark.)
3. Ask for godparents for your newborn.
4. Ask for your newborn to be christened.
5. Refer to Communion and Baptism as "sacraments" rather than "ordinances." (This one doesn't apply to British Baptists.)
6. Drink a beer. (This doesn't apply to German Baptists--or to myself since I learned to drink beer from German Baptists.)
7. Refuse to inflate your membership numbers.
8. Know what a lectionary is.
Well, take this list when it is finished, fold it into a paper airplane and fly it into the window of the tallest tower. ;)
ReplyDeleteUn-anglican things to do:
ReplyDeletePublically announce your appreciation of thoughtful, orthodox Anglican authors such as:
Jeremy Taylor
Bishop Ryle
C.S. Lewis
J.I. Packer
John Stott
N.T. Wright
Rowan Williams.
As for non-baptist things(I'm a Baptist in South Texas):
1: Know about Baptist History
2: Know about Church History
3: Know what you believe that makes you baptist.
4: Know what other people believe.
5: Admit a paedo-baptist into your church with a concientious objector clause.
6: As a Pastor, stay at a church more than a year and a half even when it isn't fun.
7: Eat out of a trash can.
8: Work at a methodist church.
Notes for michael westmoreland-white: I'm an interim preacher at a small, poor, bilingual church. I've done almost all of those. Most of the congregation probably doesn't drink, but dancing(not at service though, only at dances), lectionary, sacraments, godparenting(catholic backgrounds), and readings from St. Matthew or St. Thomas A-kempis have happened often.
Un-Pentecostal:
ReplyDelete1. Read from a prayer book.
2. Sing a chorus just once, without repeating it 15 times.
Un-Methodist:
ReplyDeleteGo five minutes without using the term, 'inclusive.'
Talk about Jesus rather than my personal experience.
While I'm at it, here are the most un-Uniting Church things to do.
ReplyDelete1. Vote Liberal. (For the non-Australians present, that means "conservative".)
2. Rebaptise someone. (Little-known fact: Short of seducing a member of the congregation, this is the UCA's only known sin.)
3. Deny someone's freedom of speech.
4. Unless it's Bill Henson.
5. Ordain someone under the age of 40.
6. Refer to God with the pronoun "he". For extra points, capitalise it.
7. Sing a traditional hymn using the original lyrics.
8. Sing a modern hymn that rhymes.
9. Sing a modern hymn whose words fit the music.
(Three guesses which denomination I am.)
Most unpresbyterian
ReplyDelete1. Talk about a substantial theological issue rather than the idea of theology (as a means of keeping fundamentalists at bay)
2. Ignore the latest sure fire recipe for church growth
3. Ignore the poetry and rhetoric of national identity for a while
4. Build community without a committee
Most unCatholic thing? Attend Mass, surely?
ReplyDeleteUn-Anglican?
ReplyDeleteUse the words "either" and "or" in a sentence discussing a doctrinal matter.
Most Un-Presbyterian:
ReplyDeleteBe blue collar
Have an altar call
Go to McDonald's after church
Preach a sermon stark naked, thus demonstrating your naked vulnerability.
ReplyDeleteAnd that of everyone else too.
ahhh pseudodym - brilliant.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this link, Ben.
ReplyDeleteMost of these are pretty funny (especially Kim’s chess joke)!