At SBL and AAR,
Scholars come from near and far
To drink together at the bar.
At AAR and SBL,
Everyone is smart as hell
(Their papers can be hell as well).
All the scholars stop and stare
At Oliver Crisp and his facial hair.
If you have a PhD
And like to be abused,
You can pay an extra fee
To go to interviews.
Thousands of new books on display,
But which are worth reading? Who can say?
They greet you with kind words and friendly looks.
But when your back is turned they pounce –
And force you to write books.
Two things are exceedingly long
(I won't say exceedingly weird):
The first is a book by Nicholas Tom,
The second is Oliver's beard.
I went to the afternoon panel,
It sounded excellent too;
But I fled for my life when I heard someone mention
The names of Zizek and Badiou.
My friend had drunk too many drinks
At the Wipf & Stock reception.
He kissed my cheek and said, "I'm straight –
But for you I'd make an exception."
When you see them buying and selling your book,
You suddenly feel exposed:
Like one of those dreams where you're preaching a sermon
But haven't put on any clothes.
By Sunday I was feeling blue.
I missed the ones I left at home:
My dog, my cat –
By Tuesday I had missed my family too.
Wednesday, 27 November 2013