Thursday, 17 March 2011

More doodlings

by Kim Fabricius

How did Jesus overcome Satan in the wilderness? By proof-texting a proof-texter. That always drives them nuts.

Right-wing Christians are fond of quoting Matthew 26:11a: “you will always have the poor with you.” Thus they turn prophecy into principle – and confirm the truth of Matthew 26:11b: “but you will not always have me.”

Here is a curious thing. Liberal Christians find it hard to believe that God raised the dead Jesus, yet accept without difficulty that God created the world. After the latter, you’d think the former would be a piece of cake.

The New Atheists have come to their senses. Having finally realised that hurling abuse at believers is strategically incompetent, they are now trying flattery. For example, last year Christopher Hitchens called Rowan Williams a “sheep-faced loon”.

I would like to help Christians in the UK who say they suffer from persecution substantiate their case – by feeding them to the lions.

WWJD? Ask Oprah.

Love wins. Fundamentalists in Florida are demanding a recount.

If due to deforestation bears no longer shit in the woods, will the pope still be Catholic?

Finally finishing Douglas Campbell’s massive The Deliverance of God is rather like completing a marathon: you’re deliriously glad you did it – and fucking relieved it’s over.

My wife once threw an ashtray at me. It whizzed by my head and took a chunk out of a brick wall. That is what grace is like – except God doesn’t miss.

A good reader may be a bad writer, but a bad reader will be a bad writer.

Losing your faith is part of the pilgrimage of faith.

Fencing the table works: it keeps out Jesus.

Were we ever to reach unanimous agreement on issues of faith and order, the age of ecumenism would come to an end. So would the church.

If Christians start saying that God is love all the down, where the hell will it end?

Are people who pray happier and healthier than those who don’t? Only if they are not doing it right.

Suggested title for a biography of Herbert McCabe: One for the Road to Emmaus.

Liars exploit truth, bullshitters exploit lies.

Bartimaeus said to Jesus, “Take it from me, Lord, blind people actually walk along together quite safely. It’s when twenty-twenty twits try to help us that ditches become dangerous.” And Jesus said, “Oh.”

Recently a minister in the United Reformed Church wrote an article in which he admitted that while he didn’t understand Paul’s theology, he was quite sure that the apostle was an entrepreneur. Well, he was half right.

God never punishes the successful. He doesn’t need to.

Koan: choosing a vocation.

The first sermon of every preacher has the same title: the Summa Theologica.

Experience may be the best teacher, but it’s a lousy learner.

I used to think that Christians who put the fish symbol on their cars were prats. Now I think they are simply being considerate – by letting people know that there is a crap driver at the wheel.

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