Tuesday, 30 November 2010

Jesus FAIL

I think these speak for themselves...




Fail submitted by Paul Fischer.

19 Comments:

Terry Wright said...

Ooh, that third one isn't a fail, it's just cool.

Anonymous said...

Clown-fearers hate strong men.

kim fabricius said...

Yeah, that third one - I think I'll blow it up and use it for next Palm Sunday (and the first one on Good Friday).

tortoise said...

Third one is clearly a Fail. Jesus doesn't love dinosaurs, he hates them, that's why he didn't let any on board the ark that he told Noah to build. Erm...

roger flyer said...

First pic. Man Jesus had hisself some pipes, bro.

Third one fails with its portrait of a smiling Brontosaurus. Science has clearly shown us that dinosaurs had tiny, reptilian brains with no emotive abilities. It is not possible that this dinosaur would smile when Jesus rode on his back.

Anonymous said...

Is Bill Hicks still about?

"And O, Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth. But the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus... with a splinter in its paw. And the disciples did run a-screamin'. "What a big fucking lizard, Lord!"
"I'm sure gonna mention this in my book," Luke said.
"Well, I'm sure gonna mention it in my book," Matthew said.
But Jesus was unafraid. And he took the splinter from the brontosaurus paw, and the brontosaurus became his friend. And Jesus sent him to Scotland where he lived in a loch, O so many years, attracting fat American families with their fat fuckin' dollars to look for the Loch Ness Monster. And O the Scots did praise the Lord: "Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!""

http://modernmirth.com/04dec/billhicks.html

Evan said...

On the dinosaurs... saw this one up on a bulletin board at the Div School earlier this semester.

Pamela said...

Governator Arnie may like the second one.

Daniel said...

I read the Rambo/Jesus billboard merely as a imaginative update on Kazantzakis’ novel, “The Last Temptation of Christ.” But here, rather than just becoming a reformist Rabbi and settling down with Mary Magdalene and pursuing the life of quiet scholarship (nine years into his dissertation on “Messianic Motifs in Post-Maccabeen Revolutionary Folk Songs”) as Nikos imagined it. Jesus, just before giving up the ghost, as it were, ‘man’s up,’ shatters the cross, and clubs to death his Roman guards with it like Sarah Palin dispatching a flopping Halibut. Then he sweeps Maggie up into his arms and with the help of reincarnated velociraptors, as well as Chuck Norris on Huckabee-laced steroids, He liberates Jerusalem from the Romans (settling scores with many of those recalcitrant Yids to boot). Next he marches across the levant where he enlists that apologist for empire ‘Saul of Tarsus’ who functions as the Carl Schmitt of the new Jesus-Reich. After invading Rome, Jesus (coached by Mark Driscoll) goes mano y mano against, and defeats Caesar Augustus in a no ‘tap-out’ cage fight, and is then crowned the new Uber-God/Man-Emperor of the world. Later, after setting plagues of microbes loose in the Americas to cleanse and prepare the land for his faithful minions by killing off it’s heathen native inhabitants and any emerging post-colonial theorists. He then moves the Reichs-Vatican to Montgomery Alabama and begins the righteous struggle against universal health care and for a lower marginal corporate tax rate, as well as roots out the last redoubts of the hippie/socialist followers of Saint Francis and the few surviving pacifist Mennonites. After establishing dominion in the USA, He uses it as a launching pad towards Meggido and the ultimate smack-down against the Kenyan-born, Liberation-theologistic, Marxist/Leninist, LGTB, anti-Christ!!! (of course, given all that, what would be substantially different about conservative American Christianity if it were truly so?).

Ben Myers said...

Thank you, Daniel, for a truly epic comment! Someone ought to give you a book contract for this.

Anonymous said...

But is the lord really riding side-saddle upon the beast in the third image? (I hear the lord of the first two images snorting in macho derision).
Isaac

Gorazd said...

Daniel, a fantastic trip! One thing I really miss in your story, though, is Jesus' ultimate showdown with Muslims in front of the "OMG Corral", East Jerusalem.

Jesse said...

Wow, Jesus was like 20 ft tall. And he has a pet crocodile, sweet.

Anonymous said...

I would describe the first image as an accurate caricature of the muscular Christianity now promoted by right wing Christians - by God (or penis) is bigger than yours.

There is also some truth in the third image.

At heart, a human being is not the slightest bit different from the reptiles, the birds, the former dinosaurs, the elephants, the plants, the trees, the wind, the sky, the microbes.
Apart from their function in conditionality, all beings are the same.
Human beings are not uniquely to be Saved.
All is One.
All are the same.
All equally require Divine Compassion, Love, and Blessing, the thread of Communion with the Divine made certain and true and directly experienced.

Todd said...

Hi. I'm still scouring the wwweb, trying to find the TF Torrance lectures at Union Theol College, Belfast (for which you posted links in 2007). Would it be possible to purchase these lectures---or will anybody post them again?
Thanks!!!

roger flyer said...

@ Daniel-

You strike again sir. Maybe a book of your epic comments distilled from the theo-blogs is in order.

Sarah Palin just called: "The billboard is just a hermeneutic of Revelation, dude."

Daniel said...

Attending to the ‘anonymous’ comments above and borrowing from Roger’s post over at Inhabitatio Dei, the story continues...:

Oh yes, there will be blood, up to the floorboards of His up-armored Pope mobile, as Jesus and 144,000 ‘promise-keeper’ shock troops, covens of free-range twilight vampires, and republican nazi re-enactors left behind after the rapture, smite with furious vengeance any Buddhist /Bahai/Unitarians (Yeah, that’s you “anonymous” above), all those secular humanists who replaced ‘merry christmas’ with ‘happy holidays,’ and the last surviving stiff-necked Jews, who after 2000 years of mollycoddling by feminized “Christians” still refused to invest in Thomas Kincaid giclee prints. Obliged.

Ben Myers said...

Daniel, your comments are every bit as inspiring and fortifying as a Thomas Kincade calendar. I salute you!

roger flyer said...

Ow! Furious and delirious D! Set it to the beat take it to the streets.

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